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Written by: Raymond Fohjem

What causes shame?

Why people shame

It’s true that at one point in our lives, we have once wanted to reverse the past. For example: certain periods in our lives when we felt ashamed or never wanted things to be the way there were.

But since nothing can be done in such past situations, the only thing which can be done to correct the past shame and failures is to correct the present, which I am going to explain to you. In this article, I am going to explain why we feel shame and how to deal with shame its self, right?

What causes shame?

In most of the cases, we feel shame highly due to inferiority complex. When we are doubting our looks, the probability that we will always feel shame around good looking people is high, right? For example, Jocelyn always believed that she has self-image problem probably because she never managed to attract someone she loves and whenever she’s among guys, she always feels shame. Now, what if one of the guys makes a slight comment about her?

The truth is that she will tend to feel shame whether or not the comment was a good or bad one because she already doubted her looks. So in this case, the first thing you have to do in order to deal with shame will be to work on your inferiority complex. When you do that, you won’t find any reason to feel one bit of shame whenever someone makes a joke.

Spot out everything about yourself and make improve and before you know, there will be nothing existing as shame. Back to Jocelyn issue, do you think she would have felt guilty about the comment if she knew for sure that she was beautiful? It will now be the reverse.

People’s experiences make us feel shame

Do you know that the way some people were brought up coupled with their belief system influence us to feel either bad or good about ourselves? For example, if boy of 24yrs grow up in a society that they believed that in order for you to be independent, you have to be at least 25-27yrs (like some in parts of Africa).

Now, if this same boy travels to a country which by the age of 18-20yrs, you start preparing to be independent. The truth is that, the boy will be mocked and intimidated for the fact that at the age of 24yrs, he’s still under his parent’s authority, right? Because of this, he will probably feel shame not that he really deserve it, but because the people’s belief influenced him in that direction.

But if the boy had quickly realized that, if they came to his own zone, it will be the exact thing in return, he would not have felt shame, right? This step applies to other fields of life like when someone tries to project shame on us or try to make us see things from their own lens.

The way we were brought up

Another reason that causes shame is the manner and circumstances in which we were brought up. Yes, they are many people whom because of the way they were brought up feel shame for very little comment or mistake. For example, if a parent usually makes critical comments when a child does something wrong, the child might grow up feeling shame whenever he or she does something wrong among people.

But with the case of a normal brought up child, he will not feel one bit of shame since he knows that making mistakes or receiving comments from people is not something to avoid. Instead he will work on trying to deal with them.

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